” I said, happy that she hadn’t seemed to notice how flustered I was.“I want to give Mr Schneider this spare key for emergencies.” She handed me a keyring with a key attached. “Could you hand this into him? He left before I was able to give it to him.”“Er, doesn’t Mrs Fernandez have a spare key for us?” I asked.“Yes, but it’s always good to have another in case she’s not available.”“Oh, OK.” Feigning reluctance. “Can you take it now?”“Er, sure, mum.” I sighed and took the keyring from her.I nipped downstairs and out the front door. I didn’t bother to put my blazer on since I was only going next door. It looked like I would have to let creepy John leer at me again tonight. Part of me was weirdly tingling with anticipation. I tried to dismiss the sensation and walked up creepy John’s drive.When I reached the front door, I considered just putting it through the letter box. But decided I should give it to him directly. It was the polite thing to do. That’s what I told myself anyway.I. I don’t want to be perfect. I want to be someone who laughs at dirty jokes and kisses strangers and drinks on Sundays and gets laid with silly boys who play the guitar. I want to be me. And one thing I know about Gaia, she’s not me. I lash out to slap her, but it’s like dredging my hand through pudding. She shimmers, and I can feel sticky tendrils of her clinging to my hand as I pull away. She’s not finished, I realize in a sudden understanding that’s not entirely my own. She’s still only a thoughtform, she needs a body. She needs my body. She’s going to take my body, flow inside of me and ‘purge’ me of the unwanted things, and then she’ll be real and I’ll be the ghost- I turn to run, but it’s far too late for that. She’s on me with inhuman speed, and I feel her grasping at me with warm and squidgy hands. She sinks in half an inch, and suddenly it’s like I’m looking at a fun-house mirror version of my own mind. All my thoughts are there, but they’re distorted and reflected so.
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